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Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Hello 2009
One less bell to answer
One less egg to fry
One less man to pick up after
I should be happy
But all I do is cry
One less egg to fry
One less man to pick up after
I should be happy
But all I do is cry
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Denise's 2008 In Retrospect Survey
1# What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Interned, got straight A's in college, made the Dean's list, barhopped in Manhattan, spent more than $100 on a meal, botched an interview, subletted an apartment, worked an entire summer, co-edited a section of the college paper, won a writing award, outright refused to forgive, willed myself to forgive, worked out more than 3x a week, took the GRE, learned to bake, regretted a decision, pulled a legitimate all-nighter for homework, planned a party, attended a couple of Asian-American conferences, conducted a desk side, went to Bible study (willingly), changed denominations, defended my faith, nearly lost my faith, definitely lost my phone.
2# Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
The only resolution I remember making in 2007 would be that 2008 would be better. Of course, the circumstances are beyond my control, but I resolved to at least have a better mindset. I succeeded at some points, failed at others, and am resolving, again, to do better next year.
3# Did anyone close to you die?
No
4# What countries did you visit?
Taiwan, USA
5# What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A paying job, inner peace, proper sleep (not happening), a tougher heart, more game, dancing skills, a discerning spirit.
6# What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I don't remember dates, only months, but as this entire year was pretty meaningful, I might as well do a basic timeline.
Mid-January - Early May: College life (academics, social, "love life," extracurriculars, interning) overkill. Too much on my plate. Wanted to gtfo asap.
Mid-May - Early June: Depressing. No job, no friends, supremely bored with life, wanted to change career direction, was confused about what I wanted out of life ("Do I still want to be a journalist? Do I want to write novels? CAN I write novels? Do I want to go to grad school? Am I a Christian? Does God exist? Do I want to stay in NYC? Did I handle my friendships wisely?"etc.)
Early June - August: BEST PART OF THE YEAR, BY FAR. Had an excellent, eventful summer in Manhattan. Met a lot of people, got some career direction, interned somewhere fulfilling. Was challenged as a person by office life, church, and through relationships with certain individuals. In short, had the most awesome summer I could ask for, thanks to God and the people He put in my life at that time. Definitely the redeeming factor of 2008.
August - Early November: Not too shabby. Had more than enough schoolwork and social events to keep me on my feet, so to speak.
Mid-November - December: Repeat of the beginning of the year. Major overkill, stress culminated into a huge emotional meltdown. Wanted to gtfo asap. Flew to Taiwan, where I am currently recovering. Must develop tougher skin for 2009!
7# What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Found a fulfilling internship, straight A's, Dean's list, college award, found joy in making new friends (which, as a super shy person, I usually hesitate to do.)
8# What was your biggest failure?
Acted on fear, walked on the safe side one time too often, didn't think before I spoke, didn't take initiative at my old internship.
9# Did you suffer illness or injury?
Got a cold four times within six months. Threw up a lot.
10# What was the best thing you bought?
My second-gen iPod Touch, a new LBD, high heels that I can actually walk in, a Lenovo laptop.
11# Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everybody at one point or another. Lame answer, I know, but I don't like giving names.
12# Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine :P
13# Where did most of your money go?
My summer apartment.
14# What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finding an internship I liked after sending 30+ resumes and cover letters.
15# What song will always remind you of 2008?
"Just Dance," Lady GaGa
16# Compared to this time last year,are you happier or sadder?
The same - again, unsure of what the following months will entail and dreading my always-rocky path to redemption (that is, spending 2009 correcting 2008....ask me over a glass of Chardonnay sometime, sigh.)
17# What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercised, told people how I honestly felt, acted on impulse, accepted more party invitations, gone on more dates (not because I want a BF, but because I regret spending so much money on food - JAYKAY.)
18# What do you wish you’d done less of?
Opened my big fat mouth, let people walk all over me, relied on booze when in crowds instead of developing real social skills.
19# How will you be spending Christmas?
With my family in Taiwan.
20# Did you fall in love in 2008?
I wish.
21# How many one-night stands?
Zero. I was a real nerd this year, as I spent the better part of 2008 making up for 2007 - again, JAYKAY.
22# What was your favorite TV program?
"How I Met Your Mother."
23# Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.
24# What was the best book you read?
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, by Junot Diaz, or Unaccustomed Earth, by Jhumpa Lahiri. High Fidelity, by Nick Hornby, was also enjoyable, but definitely not of the same literary calibre as the other two books.
25# What was your greatest musical discovery?
Amy Winehouse's pre-druggie CD, Frank. "Take the Box" is heartbreaking.
26# What did you want and get?
Career direction, a church and small group that actually helped me grow spiritually, friends who called me out when I needed a reality check, people who told me what they really thought (even when it wasn't what I wanted to hear), more social circles.
27# What did you want and not get?
A job offer, toned thighs, a love life that isn't a joke, a better grasp on comma usage, the ability to forgo inappropriate sarcasm.
28# What was your favorite film of this year?
TOO MANY. Ironman, The Orphanage, Wall-E, Kung Fu Panda, The Dark Knight (duh.)
29# What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Actually organized a party instead of being anti-social, as I'd planned earlier. 22.
30# What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I had taken more chances instead of being such a wallflower/wimp.
31# How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
When in doubt, change your hairstyle. I'll do a picture timeline of this soon.
32# What kept you sane?
The thought that in exactly a year, the problems I have now will probably be over/irrelevant.
33# Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Gerard Butler, my birthday twin, as always.
34# What political issue stirred you the most?
The US election, of course.
35# Who did you miss?
A couple of people who probably don't feel the same way :'(
36# Who was the best new person you met?
I don't play favorites, but I have a few contenders in mind ;)
37# Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008
- Trust God, not people.
- Don't compromise in hope that you'll inspire the other person (whether it be a friend, frenemy, roommate, crush, significant other, sibling, boss, coworker) to come around. They won't. Go for what you want, and if it doesn't work out, at least you tried.
- Don't let chances pass you by because you'd rather life do the work for you. It's not going to. Life ain't fair, life don't care.
- Although people are inherently flawed and ultimately selfish, don't sell them short or you might not recognize the times they come through for you. Cut them some slack by keeping in mind that they're human, they make mistakes, and so do you. Forgive them, forgive yourself, and move on.
- Don't share more about yourself and your plans than absolutely necessary.
- Open your heart to new relationships. You can never have enough friends.
- Burning bridges is stupid. Life's short, and you never know when you'll regret not keeping in contact (or at least keeping things civil) with another person or group of people.
38# Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
"How can I lose the sin, yet keep the sense,
And the love the offender, yet detest th' offence?"
Interned, got straight A's in college, made the Dean's list, barhopped in Manhattan, spent more than $100 on a meal, botched an interview, subletted an apartment, worked an entire summer, co-edited a section of the college paper, won a writing award, outright refused to forgive, willed myself to forgive, worked out more than 3x a week, took the GRE, learned to bake, regretted a decision, pulled a legitimate all-nighter for homework, planned a party, attended a couple of Asian-American conferences, conducted a desk side, went to Bible study (willingly), changed denominations, defended my faith, nearly lost my faith, definitely lost my phone.
2# Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
The only resolution I remember making in 2007 would be that 2008 would be better. Of course, the circumstances are beyond my control, but I resolved to at least have a better mindset. I succeeded at some points, failed at others, and am resolving, again, to do better next year.
3# Did anyone close to you die?
No
4# What countries did you visit?
Taiwan, USA
5# What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A paying job, inner peace, proper sleep (not happening), a tougher heart, more game, dancing skills, a discerning spirit.
6# What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I don't remember dates, only months, but as this entire year was pretty meaningful, I might as well do a basic timeline.
Mid-January - Early May: College life (academics, social, "love life," extracurriculars, interning) overkill. Too much on my plate. Wanted to gtfo asap.
Mid-May - Early June: Depressing. No job, no friends, supremely bored with life, wanted to change career direction, was confused about what I wanted out of life ("Do I still want to be a journalist? Do I want to write novels? CAN I write novels? Do I want to go to grad school? Am I a Christian? Does God exist? Do I want to stay in NYC? Did I handle my friendships wisely?"etc.)
Early June - August: BEST PART OF THE YEAR, BY FAR. Had an excellent, eventful summer in Manhattan. Met a lot of people, got some career direction, interned somewhere fulfilling. Was challenged as a person by office life, church, and through relationships with certain individuals. In short, had the most awesome summer I could ask for, thanks to God and the people He put in my life at that time. Definitely the redeeming factor of 2008.
August - Early November: Not too shabby. Had more than enough schoolwork and social events to keep me on my feet, so to speak.
Mid-November - December: Repeat of the beginning of the year. Major overkill, stress culminated into a huge emotional meltdown. Wanted to gtfo asap. Flew to Taiwan, where I am currently recovering. Must develop tougher skin for 2009!
7# What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Found a fulfilling internship, straight A's, Dean's list, college award, found joy in making new friends (which, as a super shy person, I usually hesitate to do.)
8# What was your biggest failure?
Acted on fear, walked on the safe side one time too often, didn't think before I spoke, didn't take initiative at my old internship.
9# Did you suffer illness or injury?
Got a cold four times within six months. Threw up a lot.
10# What was the best thing you bought?
My second-gen iPod Touch, a new LBD, high heels that I can actually walk in, a Lenovo laptop.
11# Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everybody at one point or another. Lame answer, I know, but I don't like giving names.
12# Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine :P
13# Where did most of your money go?
My summer apartment.
14# What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finding an internship I liked after sending 30+ resumes and cover letters.
15# What song will always remind you of 2008?
"Just Dance," Lady GaGa
16# Compared to this time last year,are you happier or sadder?
The same - again, unsure of what the following months will entail and dreading my always-rocky path to redemption (that is, spending 2009 correcting 2008....ask me over a glass of Chardonnay sometime, sigh.)
17# What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercised, told people how I honestly felt, acted on impulse, accepted more party invitations, gone on more dates (not because I want a BF, but because I regret spending so much money on food - JAYKAY.)
18# What do you wish you’d done less of?
Opened my big fat mouth, let people walk all over me, relied on booze when in crowds instead of developing real social skills.
19# How will you be spending Christmas?
With my family in Taiwan.
20# Did you fall in love in 2008?
I wish.
21# How many one-night stands?
Zero. I was a real nerd this year, as I spent the better part of 2008 making up for 2007 - again, JAYKAY.
22# What was your favorite TV program?
"How I Met Your Mother."
23# Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.
24# What was the best book you read?
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, by Junot Diaz, or Unaccustomed Earth, by Jhumpa Lahiri. High Fidelity, by Nick Hornby, was also enjoyable, but definitely not of the same literary calibre as the other two books.
25# What was your greatest musical discovery?
Amy Winehouse's pre-druggie CD, Frank. "Take the Box" is heartbreaking.
26# What did you want and get?
Career direction, a church and small group that actually helped me grow spiritually, friends who called me out when I needed a reality check, people who told me what they really thought (even when it wasn't what I wanted to hear), more social circles.
27# What did you want and not get?
A job offer, toned thighs, a love life that isn't a joke, a better grasp on comma usage, the ability to forgo inappropriate sarcasm.
28# What was your favorite film of this year?
TOO MANY. Ironman, The Orphanage, Wall-E, Kung Fu Panda, The Dark Knight (duh.)
29# What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Actually organized a party instead of being anti-social, as I'd planned earlier. 22.
30# What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I had taken more chances instead of being such a wallflower/wimp.
31# How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
When in doubt, change your hairstyle. I'll do a picture timeline of this soon.
32# What kept you sane?
The thought that in exactly a year, the problems I have now will probably be over/irrelevant.
33# Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Gerard Butler, my birthday twin, as always.
34# What political issue stirred you the most?
The US election, of course.
35# Who did you miss?
A couple of people who probably don't feel the same way :'(
36# Who was the best new person you met?
I don't play favorites, but I have a few contenders in mind ;)
37# Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008
- Trust God, not people.
- Don't compromise in hope that you'll inspire the other person (whether it be a friend, frenemy, roommate, crush, significant other, sibling, boss, coworker) to come around. They won't. Go for what you want, and if it doesn't work out, at least you tried.
- Don't let chances pass you by because you'd rather life do the work for you. It's not going to. Life ain't fair, life don't care.
- Although people are inherently flawed and ultimately selfish, don't sell them short or you might not recognize the times they come through for you. Cut them some slack by keeping in mind that they're human, they make mistakes, and so do you. Forgive them, forgive yourself, and move on.
- Don't share more about yourself and your plans than absolutely necessary.
- Open your heart to new relationships. You can never have enough friends.
- Burning bridges is stupid. Life's short, and you never know when you'll regret not keeping in contact (or at least keeping things civil) with another person or group of people.
38# Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
"How can I lose the sin, yet keep the sense,
And the love the offender, yet detest th' offence?"
Sunday, December 21, 2008
My Antidrug For Self-Pity
ULTIMATE GUILTY PLEASURE. If only I still had time to indulge in Korean dramas to my heart's content.
Judge me all you want, but I am not ashamed of my love~~~
Still, talk about a huuuge reality check when I stopped watching dramas and started living out some of my own. Jaykay. Nothing ever happens to me T_T.
Admittedly, given the chance, I'd happily bear the burden of a crappy love life if I, like Song Hye Kyo, could have Rain waiting for me at the end of the day.
I'll spare you guys the anime smiley.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Horse Gets Head Stuck in Tree
Poor thing had to be freed with a chainsaw.
I'll admit to laughing at the pictures though.
Read the story here.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
My Horrible Past: Excerpts of Love Stories I Wrote at 16
Since I'll probably be up all night finishing my creative writing portfolio, I decided it wouldn't hurt to crack open the archives to see if I've improved over the years; and omgz, I HOPE I've improved from this. Holy cow, I was an effin SAP...see exhibits A, B, and C for evidence:
*Bonus points if you can spot the common theme!
[Closet Case]
Plot synopsis: A snarky, handsome jock and a snobby nerd get stuck in the janitor's closet together. Love ensues.
When I first laid eyes on Devin Carter in my freshman year, he instantly struck me as a boy-band persona. Heck, even his name had a boy-band sort of ring to it.
Devin was, unsurprisingly, an instant hit in our school. Guys admired him for his easy ways and ability to talk his way out of trouble. Girls fell head-over-heels in love with his guitar-playing, his dirty-blond hair, and his penchant for charm and petty troublemaking.
However, as any common observer would note, what is deemed by the general public as a market hit is not necessarily known for its quality. Rather, it is known for its style, convenience, and ultimate conventionality that is easily mass-produced and cheaply bought. Take, for example, fast food. It’s not healthy, it doesn’t taste good, and heck, it doesn’t even look that good, but it’s cheap and quick and readily available and easy to gouge down. It’s hip, it’s trendy, and it’s the food of a generation that is too busy to sit down and enjoy a handsome six-course meal.
Devin is a Big Mac. I don’t eat fast food. Case in point.
[Untitled]
Plot Synopsis: Hot Stud unexpectedly falls for geeky girl. Geeky Girl unexpectedly falls for Hot Stud too! Hot Stud breaks Geeky Girl's heart. Will Geeky Girl EVER take him back?
You were still in the wrong, but you know that. And I know I did some wrong things too, but I was inexperienced. You were the first boy who thought of me as something more than a source of study guides or erasers. You’d had lots of girls on your arm before I came along. You should know better.
You look at me inquisitively. “Should I?” You ask.
I hate that look. I really do. I tell you to stop doing this because it’s not going to work. You were a mistake. You were a freaking mistake, don’t you understand?!
You draw me in and pull back a stray lock of hair. “Was I?” You whisper.
Yes, you were. You were the biggest mistake I ever made.
But then…I suppose you were the best. But I don’t say that out loud.
“Sometimes,” You say, standing up once more and offering me your hand. “It’s not about whether you made a mistake or not. It’s about making the right mistakes.”
You made all the wrong ones. Did I?
I decide that there’s time enough to make one more mistake. But better yet, there’s time enough to fix it.
~end.
[Hey Denise]
(DISCLAIMER: I often use my own name in stories, even though they're not about me, because I'm too lazy to think of other girl names.)
Plot synopsis: Socially awkward girl falls for socially awkward guy. Socially awkward guy freaks out, which freaks out socially awkward girl in return. Angst ensues.
I suppose I should stop before I making all of you, or even myself, depressed. Not all schoolgirl crushes end like this. Only mine did. For weeks I labored, bent on killing it off before it killed me. It’s a process, and it’s dying a slow death, and though I’m now out of its grip, I still feel an almost tangible connection to it.
It’s like this: I’m sitting in the library again, several months after that Friday afternoon in September. I’m flipping through my textbook, looking up only occasionally to see the time. Yet I can’t concentrate on my homework because there’s someone sitting less than ten feet away from me, laughing and playing cards with his friends. I finish exactly one Physics problem during those twenty minutes when my mind oscillates between foolish hope and bitter cynicism. And then in that situation, I sink even lower into the mire of my imagination by remembering things past and wondering if they can be repeated.
I hear something shuffle behind me, and from the corner of my eye I spy the familiar lazy gait and a flash of spiky hair. My whole body tenses as the sound grows closer and then stops about half a foot away from where I’m sitting.
“Hey, Denise.”
I look up and see that grin again. Then I purge the wonderment from the air and tell myself that it’s only a dream.
Isn’t it?
I’ll never know.
~end
....and there's a lot more where that came from.
What's almost as sad as the quality of writing is that each of these stories were the fantasy story of my life at age 16...and now that I'm 22, that still hasn't really changed.
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